a taste of ‘happyme@t.us’

from the short story collection by Kim Conklin, to be published later in 2018

happymeat.us cover


ISBN (paperback)  978-1-925536-07-2

ISBN (eBook)  978-1-925536-08-9

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She noticed the doorman checking her out. She returned the compliment for a second, then wrinkled her nose into a funny-face and stuck her tongue out.  from Trading Favors

Didn’t the woman, just before she went into the house, say something about never eating pork again? Where did she think her dinner came from?  from happyme@t.us

“Party of one?” asked a voice from behind her, startling her so much that the candy-cane stripes cracked and exploded, leaving only the unpainted people.  from Colors

Gus looked up. “There’s been an accident.”  from 1962

He stopped in the doorway to look inside. Corey’s casket was gone, and so were most of the flowers.  from Green Jell-O

“Yes! I hit the brakes, just missed hitting you, then slapped the steering wheel and said ‘Son of a bitch.’”  from North of 8 Mile

She did not want to forget. Mentally, she walked down the streets of the village, noting small things.  from The Tomato Field

She wasn’t sure, but she felt like he might be following her, so she avoided looking at him directly.  from Trading Favors

“Why not? She might like a young stud.” He shuffled his new boots, a hangdog look on his face.  from The Seventh Level

I shoot up until I am so far away I can’t make out the store, or my house, or even the town anymore.  from Floating

“I don’t know what to do here. But, I have to do something.” from So This is What it Comes to

“My mom, she’s a good cook, but everything she makes has a different sauce. It gets too complicated. Sometimes, I just like to taste the food.”  from Speed Bumps

It was nearly 12:30. The Mickey he’d slipped in her drink, the contents of his own recently prescribed sleeping capsules, should be doing the job.  from 1962

“Will we be going to the cemetery?” “No, Dee decided against it. She simply can’t handle it.”  from Green Jell-O

“I have worked for him the last two summers. He is good.”  from The Tomato Field

He placed his hands on her shoulders, at once, both holding her and holding her back.  from Colors

The canned tomatoes were the worst. She hated them, the very sight of them, lined up along the top shelf of the bedroom closet, a dozen jars wide, and at least six rows deep.  from North of 8 Mile

I am delivering a seven-year-old cocker spaniel with skin blemishes to be adopted by a family with children. Poor dog. I hope she likes children.  from Scenes from a Short Class Trip Through an Average American Life

My thighs are too fat. My ass is too big. This is both my biggest problem and my life-organizing principle that summer.  from Speed Bumps

“Neal?” Matt’s tone signaled a big question coming. “Why do people go to funerals?”  from Green Jell-O

“Now listen, kids: your father thinks this will be good for you.” She looked in the rearview mirror.  from The Tomato Field

Part of the secret to longevity for creative types in the ad business was showmanship, and Brey was a master.  from So This is What it Comes to

He felt a surge of power, and for one mind-blowing moment, one early autumn night in 1962, he believed that he had halted both time and nature, that he had stopped even the waves that night.  from 1962

“Since when is there a bitch in there?” Kerr had hung out there a couple of years ago, when it was run by a guy named Leo, an ex-merchant marine.  from The Seventh Level

Hobby farmers like George just didn’t get it. Hunters, now they knew what was up.  from happyme@t.us

I can’t feel or hear or see anything. I can’t get up. For what seems a very long time, everything is too dark and too quiet.  from Floating

“You’re from here, but you’re not of here,” Alix had said.  from Scenes from a Short Class Trip Through an Average American Life

She was feeling good about the way she was handling the too-big gangster-mobile her husband adored.  from North of 8 Mile

Colin hadn’t realized that he’d closed his eyes. When he opened them, Jake was staring at him again, this time with curiosity.  from So This is What it Comes to

Everywhere he looked, he saw gray: the porch was the same industrial gray as the floor in the landlord’s machine shop; film from the smokestacks upriver coated the once-white bungalows across the street.  from The Seventh Level

The interview is for an article about her accomplishments as a high society fund-raiser for artistic institutions.  from Scenes from a Short Class Trip Through an Average American Lif

The cash drawer springs open. The dark-haired man reaches for the tray inside.  from Floating

“If I don’t go watch a bunch of rednecks make seatbelt buckles tomorrow, I’ll lose my sale.”  from Trading Favors

Normally, he wouldn’t use this tool in front of citified customers—they complained that it hurt the pig, as if butchering it and eating it would do it no harm.  from happyme@t.us

She liked the sound of it, and she remembered that thinking of a zoo had made her happy, although right now she couldn’t quite remember what a zoo was.  from Colors

If I look at the beach or the waves, my heart will constrict and I will begin to blubber.  from Speed Bumps


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