a taste of ‘Cheat Sheets’

from the short story collection Cheat Sheets by Edward O’Dwyer, published August 2018 …

ISBN (paperback) 978-1-925536-60-7

ISBN (eBook)  978-1-925536-61-4

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She even took a creative writing class so that she could effectively and poetically describe sunsets and such things to me. from Blindness

I was looking at my date and she had aged terribly during it. She could easily have passed for mid-eighties now. She was looking at me and smiling, her lipstick smudged all over her face. from Cinema

…  they were not kidding around at all and that soon they would be sending bits of her through the mail. It was too late, though, my mind was made up. from Ring

I could see that a part of his skull had become exposed by some terrible impact, and she had somehow been speared all the way through her stomach by somebody’s umbrella … from Bus

… there was only a clown drinking a can of beer, starkers naked but for the elaborate makeup on his face, a plastic red nose, and some big, floppy shoes. from Serious

Her head had cracked open against the concrete and spilled its contents for all to see. I’d always joked affectionately that if she had brains she’d be dangerous, but I never meant it seriously. from Rollercoaster

She has said that I leave a lot to be desired when it comes to the bedroom. It’s the only thing really letting me down as a marriage prospect. from Practical

Yesterday, my girlfriend revealed to me that she’s a nymphomaniac. I suppose the signs were there, and not realising it before must have been due to a great deal of denial. from Denial

Call it bad luck, then, shall we? Nonetheless, you have to die. It isn’t negotiable, I’m afraid. from Strangle

Most of the original group, by this point, had dropped out and gone back to eating pizzas and whole Swiss Rolls, and experiencing the odd cardiac event.  from Running

… we’d chosen the same restaurant for our respective dates with non-spouses. I suppose we’d both heard all the great things that were being said about the food there. from Double

My eyes were closed but my mind’s eyes were wide open and gazing with longing into his incredibly ugly face. I’m just hoping it turns out to be a one-time thing, a dreadful glitch in my desire. from Desire

Our lips joined in a salt and vinegar kiss. The chip was delicious, crispy on the outside, floury on the inside. from Chips

The rescue team brought her drowned body ashore and I identified her as my wife. from Swim

I insist on being turned down by only the very best looking women. I don’t waste my time with anything less. from Standards

At this rate she might soon be quite renowned for drawing handsome, well-endowed nude men standing by a window looking out at whatever’s there. from Drawing

I won’t be deterred by this evidence that I’m less than a beauty queen. from Faithful

Now I simply ask how her day went and she tells me the less I know the happier I’ll be. from Popcorn

She admitted to being aware that I wasn’t exactly an oil painting, and that I perhaps didn’t have much in the way of riches or brains or personality or talent … from League

All night we made the most beautiful love and when I woke up the next morning I felt that everything was different; that the world had tilted onto some new, more favourable angle. from Notches

… but that doesn’t mean she’d ever have gone as far as planting a bomb under his car. from Explosion

The first night we spent together we were dizzy on cheap cider when we came across a cat that had been run over. from Comet

He soon passed out with the shock, which made it much easier to castrate him. from Lesson

For all my best efforts to believe her sexy, I couldn’t do it anymore. from Zombie

They clearly don’t have anywhere near as much love to give as I have. from Cherish

They turned out to be sextapes, every one of them. I passed hours there, watching my husband and his ex-wife making love. from Pretzel

He definitely only sent it to me by mistake. I imagine whoever it was meant for might have received a message with a list of groceries to pick up from the supermarket. from Respond

He seemed so petrified by my attention, his pathetic little voice quivering while calling out the digits. from Geeky

I thought I might get to read the newspaper, but the sports section under my arm would have to wait. from Hospital

It really couldn’t strike the Earth quick enough as far as I was concerned. When I heard my husband’s car pull into the driveway, though, I knew it just wasn’t going to be my day. from Silly

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